When Hiding Became Impossible

When Hiding Became Impossible

by | Jul 20, 2021 | Acceptance, Letting Go, Moving On

When Hiding Became Impossible

When a white crispy snowy day peeked through my car window
and revealed a glimpse of hope
When I finally accepted what I known deep down a long time
There is no holding back anymore
My life is to be lived to the fullest in spite of all I came through
I deserve it, I need it, I want it
I am on my knees shouting:
dear God, give me my best shot to whatever comes next
I have so much to give
I am stepping out in faith
and I am not afraid
not anymore.

Moving On

Moving On

by | Jul 19, 2021 | Acceptance, Letting Go, Moving On

Moving On

I came around full circle
Anger and Denial, Hope and Faith
Anxiety and Pain, Love and Forgiveness, Acceptance
It is still a roller coaster sometimes
No one knows what each day will bring, cliché but so true
One morning I decided
I am not going to keep living in hiding
I will step out in faith, share my story
and take on what life has to offer
I finally understand all the energy wasted in keeping it all in
So grateful for the lessons learned and people met
Healing sunny places, warm and kind people, our destinies intertwined
You Are My Tribe forever
So much richer for the experiences, so much deeper and enlightened for the pain lived through
Whatever comes is welcome
Back to freedom, I finally exhale
Back to myself, a true self, just a bit bruised, but better for it
Ready to move on
The Blessed and Unstoppable

My Girls

My Girls

by | Jul 18, 2021 | Acceptance, Letting Go, Moving On

My Girls

I wanted you to know no pain
No tears, no suffering
I wanted to protect you
I worked very hard on presenting the positives only
It worked, sometimes
Day after day, night after night
I  repeatedly convinced you everything is good
Or so I thought
But the experience took its toll on you
On all of us, on your loving dad, my rock
But you managed through the storm
Strong and beautiful
Successful and trustworthy
Independent and fearless
Bruised but more resilient
Braver and more grateful
I want to be a role model for you
I want you  to be role models for others
You can conquer and survive anything
My love for you is up to the moon and back
Even when we fight about small things
My love for you is boundless
The Blessed and Unstoppable is for you and your Dad
Continue to trust in God
God is Love
Love Loves You
All is well

The Walls

The Walls

by | Jul 17, 2021 | Sadness, Anxiety, Bargaining

The Walls

The walls of my bedroom are closing in on me, again
There is a lump in my throat, I can’t breath
I need to get away
There is a hand choking me
I need to do something quickly
I look at the mirror
The hand is mine
I pray and wait
The hand is slowly released
Breathing again, at least for another day

Dance

Dance

by | Jul 16, 2021 | Sadness, Anxiety, Bargaining

Dance

I am waking the hallways of my building as prescribed
Back and forth, back and forth
I need to get strong again
One of my guardian angels is walking with me
I am tired but determined to fulfill my promise:
I am going to dance a full fitness dance class a month from now
I kept my promise
Music and dance are healing
So is faith