The White Hallways

The White Hallways

The White Hallways

I look around
The white coats, the white lights, the antiseptic smell
There is a voice talking to me
The words are incomprehensible, yet clear and as heavy as chains
I see a mouth opening but I don’t hear anything anymore
The room is spinning around me
This is not real, this must be a nightmare
But it is real, and my life instantly changes forever
They are talking statistics, treatments
Someone is handing me a verdict for life
I get up and run away …and keep running for years

Love On The Brain

Love On The Brain

Love On The Brain*

The white hallways are decked in Christmas colors

I was packing gifts for kids just the day before

I am wheeled in somewhere cold and sterile with lots of lights

Several pairs of kind eyes are getting busy around me

I am not sure what am I doing there

Next thing I remember, I am back with my family, hungry

Asking for veggie burger and sweet potato fries

The hospital supplied the desert: Red Velvet Christmas cupcakes

Traditional Pavarotti’s concert is on TV, is this all for real?

I feel good, Love on the Brain, Rihanna sings in my head

I can hear her even through my bandages

It is only two days after and I am in the movie theater

‘La La Land’ is playing, I knew it would be an Oscar winner

I am happy, I think I am done and will quickly move on with my life

But it is only the beginning

More white hallways, more Love on the Brain*

*”Love on the Brain” is a song recorded by a famous singer Rihanna for her eighth studio album, Anti (2016)




There are choices to be made

There are so many roads that could be taken
I am troubled
But so many angels cross my path and whisper in my ear
I am letting some of their voices in
I hear my own voice the loudest
I take uncertain steps and pray that they are the right once
No one knows for sure, how to tame the beast
Stigma, fear, hope, frustration, doubt, anger, happiness, courage,
Minor and major life miracles, every day
All around the world

Invisible hands are holding me all the time, praying for me
They don’t allow me to drown
I am swimming forward although a shore is not visible
Sometimes I am so tired, waves are too huge
But I always smile, I am so positive, it’s exhausting
I want out of this
There is no way out